Can Stoicism and Setting Boundaries Coexist?
Hey everyone!
I’m new to Stoicism and just getting into Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. It’s my first time reading it, and it’s making me think a lot about my struggles with being assertive and setting boundaries.
One part in Book 4 really stood out to me. Aurelius suggests that when dealing with people’s bad behavior, we should keep in mind:
“- Doing the right thing takes patience.
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People don’t do wrong intentionally.
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So many have fought, argued, and passed on—it’s all temporary.”
From what I understand, he’s saying it’s better to be patient and let things go rather than confront someone’s bad behavior. While I get the idea of avoiding unnecessary arguments, I wonder—what about situations where someone treats you unfairly or makes you uncomfortable? Should we just accept it and move on, or does Stoicism support standing up for ourselves in certain cases?
To me, setting boundaries is something within our control, so it feels like a Stoic approach. But this passage makes it seem like confronting issues isn’t really encouraged. Maybe I’ll get more clarity as I keep reading, but I’d love to hear from you all. How do you balance Stoicism with being assertive?
Looking forward to your thoughts!
Aurelius was writing for himself as a ruler, so a lot of his advice was about handling things at that level. But that doesn’t mean we have to apply it exactly the same way in our daily lives.
In reality, some people do intentionally cross boundaries. If we just sit back and hope they stop, that’s not going to work. A Stoic approach, in my opinion, would be to calmly and assertively communicate your boundaries. You can’t control whether they respect them, but you can control how you respond.
You might find Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg helpful—it’s a great resource for setting boundaries without aggression!