Is Stoicism Making Us Less Human?
Recently, during a conversation, a friend made an observation that really got me thinking. He argued that feeling frustrated and complaining are natural parts of being human, and he advised me not to try to stop him from venting. In our chat, he told me, “Stoicism is making you less human. You’re missing out on feeling your true emotions.” He even added, “It’s human to complain and seek validation—don’t try to shut that down.”
I wasn’t upset by his comment, but it did make me wonder if I was pushing Stoic principles too hard. I feel like I might have been talking too much about philosophy instead of just listening. Has anyone else had a similar experience? How do you decide when to share advice and when to simply let someone vent?
Your friend thinks that complaining and feeling frustrated are just part of being human, but for the Stoics, what truly makes us human is our ability to reason. Animals act on instinct, but humans were given reason as a gift from the gods. Ignoring it and giving in to emotions isn’t “being more human”—it’s rejecting what makes us different from animals. Using reason doesn’t mean ignoring emotions; it means understanding them, controlling them, and not letting them take over.
As Epictetus said, “Remember that you are an actor in a play, which is as the playwright wants it to be: short if he wants it short, long if he wants it long. If he wants you to play a beggar, act that part well; and so if your role be a cripple, an official, or a layman. For this is your duty: to play well the part assigned you. But to choose it is another’s affair.” You didn’t choose to have reason, but it’s your duty to use it well. Letting a friend vent is one thing, but encouraging them to stay stuck in frustration instead of helping them see clearly isn’t kindness—it’s failing to live up to your role as a rational person.