She Left Me for Her Ex. I am devastated
We were together for 4 months. Her ex was in her life for 2-3 years. They broke up midway through his college years, but they stayed in touch.
At the start, we had an amazing connection. We even started making plans for the future, talking about getting married and having kids. Everything felt perfect.
Now he’s back, and just like that, she decided to give him another chance because of their "history." She told me they ended things because he was distant and things weren’t working. But if that’s true, why did she run back to him so fast?
What’s really messing me up is the thought that they might have been cheating the whole time—especially when he came back for holidays. I can’t shake the feeling that I was just a placeholder.
I haven’t cried in years, but I did this time. I feel ashamed, like I failed in my stoic path for letting this break me so fast.
How do I move forward from this?
hello mate! I am sorry that this happened to you but we have all been there at various points of our life.
my advise to you i assume you’ve been on this planet for over 20 years, and you were with this woman for only 4 months. You can absolutely live another 20 years, or more, without her. Right now, you’re feeling overwhelmed, but that’s just emotions clouding your judgment. From a sober perspective, you’ll see that you haven’t lost much. She was not the right woman for you—she was still emotionally attached to someone else while she was with you. That alone tells you everything you need to know.
From a Stoic perspective, this isn’t about failure. You were tested and this minor event shook you. That’s not an insult—it’s an opportunity to grow. If you were truly indifferent to external events, this wouldn’t shake you. But right now, your emotions are running ahead of your reason. That’s okay. It’s a sign that you need to strengthen your practice.
So, how do you move forward? By accepting that she was never truly yours to begin with. By recognizing that her leaving is not a reflection of you, but of her own unresolved past. And most importantly, by realizing that this is just another trial in life—a chance to strengthen your wisdom and resilience. Let this experience refine you, not define you.
Hey, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It feels like you lost something real, but what you loved wasn’t her—it was the image you created of her. The person in your mind, the one who talked about marriage and a future together, never truly existed. She was a stranger to you, and you filled in the gaps with what your heart desired. Now that she’s gone back to her ex, it hurts, but not because you lost something real—you lost a fantasy.
Go back to your Stoic principles. A girlfriend is a preferred indifferent—nice to have, but not something that should control your happiness. Right now, you’ve surrendered your peace to someone who clearly doesn’t value it. Take this as a lesson to regain your freedom. Let go of what never truly existed, and move forward stronger.
Quote from Guest on February 7, 2025, 10:13 amI feel ashamed, like I failed in my stoic path for letting this break me so fast.
My friend you have nothing to be ashamed we all have been there at some point in our lives. You should be proud that you figured out the right thing to do is to examine it through a stoic perspective. I assume you are young so this might happen again in the future. Next time you will be stronger and if this is a consolation by practicing stoicism so young you are way ahead of the game!